Monday, 28 March 2011

New London Cyclist Manifesto

(I've just been a hapless victim of this.)

Today, we announce a new code of behaviour for London's cyclists.

Today, we make a new promise to the motorists and pedestrians with whom we grudgingly share the roads and pavements of our proud capital city.

We have a new weapon in the fractious Us and Them commuter race.

It is free and foolproof.

And it will help us achieve a free-wheeling goal as revealing as our lycra shorts.




Our new methods will be as high-vis as our orange Hump backpacks.

We will cycle in packs in front of double deckers in bus lanes during rush hour.

We will pedal in the slow lane of the Great West Road when there is an empty, newly-resurfaced cycle lane next to us.

We will flick fingers at the dimwitted motorists who fail to read our minds at roundabouts.

And we will fearlessly await the moment when we risk limb loss while weaving down Chiswick High Road because we have a new loaded gun to point at the demented drivers doing their damnedest to kill us.

Windscreen Gob.

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